Sawa na ba kayo...?

Guys... Sawa na ba kayo? Kasi ako, sawang-sawa na! Paulit-ulit na alng talaga! Lagi na lang pagdating sa kanya, ganito ako... Basta pag siya talaga, lagi na lang akong nag-bebreakdown... Akala ko talaga, wala na... Masaya ana ako actually kasi medyo makulay ang buhay ko dahil sa mga taong yun... Pero, grabe talaga! nung dumaan lang siya sa isip ko... WALA NA! Balik nanaman... Ano bang meron sa kanya na kada maiisip ko siya, ganito na lang palagi ang nagyayari sa akin! Maybe I'm just expecting too much again... Maybe I'm CRAVING (yun talaga yung word!) for his attention... I don't know! Hala?! Ba't ba ganito ako? CRAZY! CRAZY! CRAZY!

*hitting my head*

Tado din ako noh! INOM! Ampf! Argh!!!! Di na talaga ako nadala!

Paranoia ... not a good thing

I've been too paranoid these past few days about some stupid "THING" I've been thinking about a lot! It's something between me and someone special in my life ... and my head has been playing around "IT" a lot and "IT" is just hurting me inside and making me crazy! Well, one thing's for sure, It made me realized, like what I've said with one of my friends, that it would be better off for me to have him as my friend than not having him at all in my life -- and this is what made me a paranoid. I just can't take the fact that I would lose him even as a friend. I've been paranoid that we we're having a big gap between us and in the end, we would just be a stranger to each other... I just hate it when this thing enters my mind. (Well, how much more if it will really happen ... What would you do? I don't know ... Maybe I'll be broken when that time comes) Haaay... Ang gulo! Nagpapasalamat na nga lang talaga ako kanina dahil nagkausap kami... Hindi ko na idedetalye kung anu pinag-usapan namin. Basta ang mahalaga, di pala totoo ang mga iniisip ko. I'm not paranoid anymore ... sa ngaun huh?! di ko lang alam sa mga susunod na araw pa... Bahala na talaga...

Well, kahit na ganito naman ang nangyari, masaya pa rin ako dahil ... hmmm ... di ko muna sasabihin... =P Hindi ko pa kasi maidescribe yung nafefeel ko ngaun eh. Ahhh! Basta ... Next time na lang.

Excited?! Nah...!

Not really excited 'bout the fact that tomorrow will be our first day of classes... GOD! Stress na naman! Pero ok lang... Diyan lang naman ang aking Vodka family para tulungan ako... Siyempre, ako rin!

Ganito man ang feeling ko, tipong nawawalan nanaman ng gana pumasok, napakasaya ko... Grabe! nung wednesday pa ito... Tuloy2x na nga talaga ito. Back to the jolly, fun-loving, crazy, wacky and all that jazz ME! It's all about me... All me! ME ME ME!!! Wahahahahahahahahaha! Finally!

And so the pages turn...

I've been hurt so many times. I thought it's because of unrequited love, no it's not. I was expecting too much far from reality -- expecting something I can surely ask for but can never be mine, something he can never give me. Eventhough the table turn -- him loving me back, I'm not taking any chances. Like I said, far from reality. I'm now in the point of letting go. I'm glad that it's not painful anymore. It's more of a feeling of relief. Now, my knuckles are free. Never will I be imprisoned again in this dark pits of his cruel world that he pulled me into 'coz I found light -- realization. I realized that in the long run, I may not be happy with him. I'll just drown in pain and misery. Going through all of this really is tough, but everything just turned to be a lesson learned. This will be my last words, my last pages of this gruelling chapters of my life. These will never be heard of again. I'm now turnng the pages and never will I turn back again. THE END.

Ecstatic...!

I'm ecstatic! Start of something new... Hahahahahahahaha... Get a clue!

Here I Am

Here I Am by Air Supply

Here I am playing with those memories again
And just when I thought time had set me free
Those thoughts of you keep taunting me

Holding you, a feeling I never outgrew
Though each and every part of me has tried
Only you can fill that space inside

So theres no sense pretending
My heart its not mending

(chorus)
Just when I thought I was over you
And just when I thought I could stand on my own
Oh baby those memories come crashing through
And I just can't go on without

On my own Ive tried to make the best of it alone
Ive done everything I can to ease the pain
But only you can stop the rain

I just cant live without you
I miss everything about you

(chorus)
Just when I thought I was over you
And just when I thought I could stand on my own
Oh baby those memories come crashing through
And I just can't go on without
Go on without
Its just no good without you

Doses of Sanity

Doses of Sanity:

(1) Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead.*
(2) Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy.**
(3) If you can't solve it, it's not a problem - it's reality.***
(4) Insane people are always sure that they're fine. It's only the sane people who are willing to admit that they're crazy.****
(5) Happiness is like perfume - you can't pour it on others without getting a few drops on yourself.*****

* Sure there's plenty of time to die, especially when you fell in love in the wrong time, with the wrong person.
** I hate to believe this but this really happens for some people. Nandiyan lang ang mga tao sa paligid mo pag meron kang maibibigay sa kanila. Pag wala na, iiwan ka na lang nila basta-basta. Sa maginhawa lang sila nandiyan.
*** Ano ba?! Everything that's happening to a peron is reality! Tsaka every problem has a solution, akala mo lang wala kasi tinatakasan mo.
**** Basta ako, baliw ako.
***** Siyempre, ako muna bago sila!

I need friends...

Another lonely afternoon... Grabe naguguluhan ako! Matutuloy ba oh hindi?! Nakakahiya naman kasi sa kanya. Nagimbita siya pero wala palang pupunta. Pangit nun db?! Ayaw ko namang ako lang ang pupunta. So far, ako pa lang kasi ang pwedeng-pwede. Sana naman magsalita na yung iba... Hindi ko na kasi talaga alam kung ano ang gagawin ko!

Haaay... Timang din ako eh noh?! Sabi ko sa sarili ko, kailangan mawala na ang feelings ko para sa kanya at ang tanging paraan para magawa ko yun eh lumayo sa kanya. Yung tipong hindi ko dapat siya makita hanggang mawala yung feelings ko sa kanya. Pero ano ginagawa ko ngayon? Ako ang punong-abala para lang merong pumunta sa kanila... Grabe! Sa totoo lang nahihirapan na talaga ako... *tears*

Kagabi, naka-text ko si Meg. Nai-share ko sa kanya ang pinagdadaanan ko ngayon. In fairness, meron akong sinabi sa kanya na hinding-hindi ko malilimutan. Sabi ko sa kanya: "Kailangan lang mawala nitong feelings ko towards him... This feeling complicates everything... Pero just to clarify things, feelings lang ang gusto ko mawala, hindi siya. It would be best for me if I have him as a friend (friend lang -- pwedeng close friend) than not having him at all...". Nagpapasalamat din ako sa friend ko na ito kasi she made me realize that I'm a wonderful person. sabi nya sa akin, "I'm lucky to have you as a friend because you are wise + matured...". Nakakataba ng puso pakinggan. But still, at hindi ko rin maintindihan ang sarili, kung bakit ako ganito. Meron naman akong kaibigan na katulad nila at nandito ako nagpapaka-malungkot.

Sana talaga matapos na itong pinagdadaanan ko. Hindi ko talaga alam kung ano'ng kailangan ko ngayon. Do I need closure? Kailangan ko ba sabihin sa kanya? Do I need to lose the feeling or the feelings and him in my life? I don't know? I'm so confused! Never did I imagine that I would be stuck in this kind of situation. Jumping out of misery was never really my thing, so I'm still trying to scrutinize everything. Everything is just so complicated, everything is just so wrong. I wish I could just simplfy this in juts a snap and stop this hurting feelings. Maybe, right now, I need friends whom I can lean on to, whom I can cry my heart out to, who can just cheer me up, put a smile on my face, or better yet, make me laugh. I need a hug. *tears*