Just an update 'bout me!

I'm so pissed... Ngayon lang ulit ako nakapag-post! Dami kasing gawain sa school! Buti na nga lang at ang aming instructor sa "writing for radio" ay nanganak! At least nabawasan ang pressure kahit konti... Pero pag naiisip ko yung isang prof namin, GOD! Hahahahahahaha! Sarap niyang kalbuhin kahit na kalbo na siya... Anyway, basta gagalingan ko na lang...

In fairness guys, ang sarap ng may ginagawa sa buhay... kahit na tipong hindi ka na nakakatulog para lang matapos mo ang mga gawain...

Nga pala... Para sa mga taga letran na nakakabasa ng post na ito, please support me...! I'll really want to be your next P. R. O. Promise hindi masasayang ang boto ninyo... ;D

Just like to share this... Hindi ko talaga maintindihan ang sarili ko! *sad* I want to stop na...

Sawa na ba kayo...?

Guys... Sawa na ba kayo? Kasi ako, sawang-sawa na! Paulit-ulit na alng talaga! Lagi na lang pagdating sa kanya, ganito ako... Basta pag siya talaga, lagi na lang akong nag-bebreakdown... Akala ko talaga, wala na... Masaya ana ako actually kasi medyo makulay ang buhay ko dahil sa mga taong yun... Pero, grabe talaga! nung dumaan lang siya sa isip ko... WALA NA! Balik nanaman... Ano bang meron sa kanya na kada maiisip ko siya, ganito na lang palagi ang nagyayari sa akin! Maybe I'm just expecting too much again... Maybe I'm CRAVING (yun talaga yung word!) for his attention... I don't know! Hala?! Ba't ba ganito ako? CRAZY! CRAZY! CRAZY!

*hitting my head*

Tado din ako noh! INOM! Ampf! Argh!!!! Di na talaga ako nadala!

Paranoia ... not a good thing

I've been too paranoid these past few days about some stupid "THING" I've been thinking about a lot! It's something between me and someone special in my life ... and my head has been playing around "IT" a lot and "IT" is just hurting me inside and making me crazy! Well, one thing's for sure, It made me realized, like what I've said with one of my friends, that it would be better off for me to have him as my friend than not having him at all in my life -- and this is what made me a paranoid. I just can't take the fact that I would lose him even as a friend. I've been paranoid that we we're having a big gap between us and in the end, we would just be a stranger to each other... I just hate it when this thing enters my mind. (Well, how much more if it will really happen ... What would you do? I don't know ... Maybe I'll be broken when that time comes) Haaay... Ang gulo! Nagpapasalamat na nga lang talaga ako kanina dahil nagkausap kami... Hindi ko na idedetalye kung anu pinag-usapan namin. Basta ang mahalaga, di pala totoo ang mga iniisip ko. I'm not paranoid anymore ... sa ngaun huh?! di ko lang alam sa mga susunod na araw pa... Bahala na talaga...

Well, kahit na ganito naman ang nangyari, masaya pa rin ako dahil ... hmmm ... di ko muna sasabihin... =P Hindi ko pa kasi maidescribe yung nafefeel ko ngaun eh. Ahhh! Basta ... Next time na lang.

Excited?! Nah...!

Not really excited 'bout the fact that tomorrow will be our first day of classes... GOD! Stress na naman! Pero ok lang... Diyan lang naman ang aking Vodka family para tulungan ako... Siyempre, ako rin!

Ganito man ang feeling ko, tipong nawawalan nanaman ng gana pumasok, napakasaya ko... Grabe! nung wednesday pa ito... Tuloy2x na nga talaga ito. Back to the jolly, fun-loving, crazy, wacky and all that jazz ME! It's all about me... All me! ME ME ME!!! Wahahahahahahahahaha! Finally!

And so the pages turn...

I've been hurt so many times. I thought it's because of unrequited love, no it's not. I was expecting too much far from reality -- expecting something I can surely ask for but can never be mine, something he can never give me. Eventhough the table turn -- him loving me back, I'm not taking any chances. Like I said, far from reality. I'm now in the point of letting go. I'm glad that it's not painful anymore. It's more of a feeling of relief. Now, my knuckles are free. Never will I be imprisoned again in this dark pits of his cruel world that he pulled me into 'coz I found light -- realization. I realized that in the long run, I may not be happy with him. I'll just drown in pain and misery. Going through all of this really is tough, but everything just turned to be a lesson learned. This will be my last words, my last pages of this gruelling chapters of my life. These will never be heard of again. I'm now turnng the pages and never will I turn back again. THE END.

Ecstatic...!

I'm ecstatic! Start of something new... Hahahahahahahaha... Get a clue!

Here I Am

Here I Am by Air Supply

Here I am playing with those memories again
And just when I thought time had set me free
Those thoughts of you keep taunting me

Holding you, a feeling I never outgrew
Though each and every part of me has tried
Only you can fill that space inside

So theres no sense pretending
My heart its not mending

(chorus)
Just when I thought I was over you
And just when I thought I could stand on my own
Oh baby those memories come crashing through
And I just can't go on without

On my own Ive tried to make the best of it alone
Ive done everything I can to ease the pain
But only you can stop the rain

I just cant live without you
I miss everything about you

(chorus)
Just when I thought I was over you
And just when I thought I could stand on my own
Oh baby those memories come crashing through
And I just can't go on without
Go on without
Its just no good without you

Doses of Sanity

Doses of Sanity:

(1) Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead.*
(2) Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy.**
(3) If you can't solve it, it's not a problem - it's reality.***
(4) Insane people are always sure that they're fine. It's only the sane people who are willing to admit that they're crazy.****
(5) Happiness is like perfume - you can't pour it on others without getting a few drops on yourself.*****

* Sure there's plenty of time to die, especially when you fell in love in the wrong time, with the wrong person.
** I hate to believe this but this really happens for some people. Nandiyan lang ang mga tao sa paligid mo pag meron kang maibibigay sa kanila. Pag wala na, iiwan ka na lang nila basta-basta. Sa maginhawa lang sila nandiyan.
*** Ano ba?! Everything that's happening to a peron is reality! Tsaka every problem has a solution, akala mo lang wala kasi tinatakasan mo.
**** Basta ako, baliw ako.
***** Siyempre, ako muna bago sila!

I need friends...

Another lonely afternoon... Grabe naguguluhan ako! Matutuloy ba oh hindi?! Nakakahiya naman kasi sa kanya. Nagimbita siya pero wala palang pupunta. Pangit nun db?! Ayaw ko namang ako lang ang pupunta. So far, ako pa lang kasi ang pwedeng-pwede. Sana naman magsalita na yung iba... Hindi ko na kasi talaga alam kung ano ang gagawin ko!

Haaay... Timang din ako eh noh?! Sabi ko sa sarili ko, kailangan mawala na ang feelings ko para sa kanya at ang tanging paraan para magawa ko yun eh lumayo sa kanya. Yung tipong hindi ko dapat siya makita hanggang mawala yung feelings ko sa kanya. Pero ano ginagawa ko ngayon? Ako ang punong-abala para lang merong pumunta sa kanila... Grabe! Sa totoo lang nahihirapan na talaga ako... *tears*

Kagabi, naka-text ko si Meg. Nai-share ko sa kanya ang pinagdadaanan ko ngayon. In fairness, meron akong sinabi sa kanya na hinding-hindi ko malilimutan. Sabi ko sa kanya: "Kailangan lang mawala nitong feelings ko towards him... This feeling complicates everything... Pero just to clarify things, feelings lang ang gusto ko mawala, hindi siya. It would be best for me if I have him as a friend (friend lang -- pwedeng close friend) than not having him at all...". Nagpapasalamat din ako sa friend ko na ito kasi she made me realize that I'm a wonderful person. sabi nya sa akin, "I'm lucky to have you as a friend because you are wise + matured...". Nakakataba ng puso pakinggan. But still, at hindi ko rin maintindihan ang sarili, kung bakit ako ganito. Meron naman akong kaibigan na katulad nila at nandito ako nagpapaka-malungkot.

Sana talaga matapos na itong pinagdadaanan ko. Hindi ko talaga alam kung ano'ng kailangan ko ngayon. Do I need closure? Kailangan ko ba sabihin sa kanya? Do I need to lose the feeling or the feelings and him in my life? I don't know? I'm so confused! Never did I imagine that I would be stuck in this kind of situation. Jumping out of misery was never really my thing, so I'm still trying to scrutinize everything. Everything is just so complicated, everything is just so wrong. I wish I could just simplfy this in juts a snap and stop this hurting feelings. Maybe, right now, I need friends whom I can lean on to, whom I can cry my heart out to, who can just cheer me up, put a smile on my face, or better yet, make me laugh. I need a hug. *tears*

Crazy Night!

Last night is a very crazy night for me. As in! I went out with my mom to her work. Apparently, a very important document is needed by the trucking company that she contracted with. And without that document, the shipment being imported by her client wouldn't get out of the pier zone. So we rode a taxi in a rainy night 'til there and brought the document with us. Grabe! Nakakainis yung taxi driver. Nung sumakay kami, nakikinig kuno siya ng "maka-diyos radio station". Amen amen pa siyang nalalaman, nagmumura naman. Grabe! Tapos ang sungit grabe. No doubt nakakalbo na siya! (Sama ko -- wag sana makarma) Nung dumating kami dun, ok naman yung experience. At last! nakasakay na ako ng 10-wheeler truck! hahahahahahahahaha! Achievement?!

After nun, siyempre, umuwi na kami. Dahil umulan ng malakas, natural, maraming binaha at naging mabigat ang trapiko. Thank God naman, hindi kami nahirapang umuwi kasi nakasakay kami agad pero grabe talaga! Sa may SM Manila pa lang, napuno na agad yung sinakyan naming jeep. Dami nang mga taong nag-aabang ng masaasakyan. Todo sabit na nga rin ang boylets! Tapos meron pang sumakay na couple na hindi ko maintindihan kung anu ginagawa nila. Nung una kasi, si cutey guy, nakakandong kay pretty girl. *tawa* Tapos bigla sila nagpalit. Tapos, may action na nangyayari. Apparently, mali pala ang nasa isip ko. (I'm so malisyoso! XD) Pero grabe! Nakakatawa talaga sila...

Pag dating namin sa bahay, akala ko tapos na ang gabi ko. As you would have guessed, hindi pa. Nung malapit na kaming matulog, it struck me again. Akala ko talaga tapos na ang lahat. Alam nyo na kung ano yun. As usual, iyak lang naman ang magagawa ko. Haiz... When can this stop?! I wish I just can jump out of this misery. But let me straighten out just one thing -- in all fairness of everything that happened, meron din namang magandang nangyari. Na-realize ko na sorbrang mahirap pala talaga ang ginagawa ng aking mother dear! Na-realize ko na hindi dapat ako nagaaksaya ng panahon sa kung anu-ano lang dahil ang nanay ko ang nahihirapan in the end. Pero siyempre, wish ko lang din talaga na magawa ko ito. Wishing everything just go right. I know that I'm still young but still, I feel that this is like forever. Hindi naman ako nagmamadali. I just need something right now. I don't know what it is. Basta! Miserable! Miserable! Miserable!

It Gets Easier Now

I just ran across this song and it struck me hard! My heart thumps, tear falls everytime I'll hear this song. Made me stranger the very moment I heard it. The song is right, it gets easier without him. Sad but really easy. I just have to let go of everything.

"Easier"
(Kandi feat. Faith Evans)

[chorus]
It gets...it gets easier
Without you
I won't feel right...I can't feel right
Without you
But it gets...it gets easier

[verse1]
I was in misery without you
I could not imagine life without you
It was such a painful thing to go through
To have you being taken away
But I...I dried my tears
Even though it took a couple of years
I guess I had to just let go of my fears
Of being alone...but it gets

[repeat chorus]

[verse2]
I thought my life was over without you
Thought I would be oh so sad darling
Cuz you left me here, to face all my fears
All by myself, with nobody else
Now that you're gone I just gotta move on
But my lovin's never changed
It'll always stay the same
I felt you were wrong
The lonely nights alone
I get weak then I'm strong
It gets easier

[repeat chorus]

[bridge]
Sometimes it's really hard to just let go
Don't feel like moving on...Oh yeah I know
Just breathin' air is hard to bear
Whe the one that you love is not there
Thoughts of you sit heavy on my mind
I always reminisce on our good times
I just take it day by day
I know that'll never be easy
But I can say it gets easier

[repeat chorus]

Gloomy Sunday...!

Nakakabagot... Sana merong escapade... hindi na tuloy yung pagpunta ko sa Davao kasi si Tito, nabago yung mga plano niya... Biglaang business trip daw. Haiz! Mga mayayaman nga naman talaga. Buti na lang kami, nakakaahon lang... *sigh*

I'm listening to this track... Sabi ng marami, this is a suicide song. Marami na daw ang nagpapakamatay dahil sa kantang ito. Almost 254,000 people. Hahahahahahaha!!! In fairness, mabigat nga sa pakiramdam ang kantang ito habang pinakikinggan ko. Parang ang sarap magpakamatay...! Waah! Death is bliss... (Baliw din ako eh noh?!)

Haiz... Anu kaya magandang gawin ngayong Sunday? Mamaya, punta akong church. I'll pray for each and every people in the world. Kahit yung mga hindi ko kilala... Hahahahahaha! Masarap talaga mabuhay! I'm still young and still a long way to go. Basta I'll keep on holding on to good things in this world. Things that'll make me happy and fulfilled as an individual. (Emo ba ako?! Di naman... So so lang. Di masaya, di malungkot...)

Till here...


Mama: Nak, kakain na!
Keep: Ano ulam?
Mama: Paksiw na pata tsaka gulay tapos merong prinitong saging na saba.
Keep: Ano ba yun ma! Pano ba naman ako papayat niyan!


Kain muna me friends! Kayo din! Love you! Mwah!

My Vodka Family...!

I made this out of boredom... It turned out good naman... Hindi ganun kaganda kasi hatinggabi ko na ng ginawa ko yan... Napipikit na ako...

*sigh*

Sobrang miss ko na ang mga kolokoy na ito... matagal-tagal na ding ala kaming session... Di bale, malapit naman na ang pasukan...

Grabe!!! Miss ko na talaga sila...! If I could just control time and space...

*sigh*

"Maging Sino Ka Man"

Grabe!!! I love "Maging Sino Ka Man"... Can't get over it...

*tears*

Nakakaiyak...

*tears*

Can't take it anymore...

*tears*

Exercise...!

Jump rope!!! Sit-ups... pilates... need to lose weight... Turn flabs into abs! Kailangan magkasya sa akin ang mga binigay ni Lolo!!! Size 34... 38 pa ako...!!! Hahahahahaha!

*jump* *jump* *jump*

tara! join me...

Post lang po ulit

Grabe!!! Nakakailang post na kaya ako para sa araw na ito??? Marahil eto ang epekto ng house bum na merong computer at internet connection... (Oo, yung na nga..!) Bukas, mag-jujump rope ulit ako para tuloy2x na ang aking pagpayat!!! Panalo diba?! Hahahahahahaha!!! hmmm...

"iw mary!!! anu bah?!"

Nakakatawa talaga itong kasama namin diot sa bahay!!! 16-anyos na pero pag nakasama mo... mukhang 10 lang!!! Sobrang isip bata...

"joan, tubig please..."

Bagong kasama. In fairness, magkasing-tanda lang kami (19-anyos at mag-20 na, siya sa august 11, ako, secret!) pero may asawa na siya. Ganun ba talaga sa probinsya? Anyway, tulog na ako mamayang konti. Gagawin ko muna ang aking "nightly rituals".

Bukas kaya? Magpopost ulit ako??? Hahahahahahahaha... bahala na...!

"Just Go w/ the Flow"

Just go with the flow...

... try ko din gawin ito! Sabi yan sa akin ni Karen ... try ko talaga!

Getting Over

Kantang nagpapalakas sa akin ngayon... I need to get over him!



"Over You"

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Wag daw ako tumingin...

May nabasa akong isang comment ng friend ko (Ichi) sa isa ko pang friend (Chudy) sa multiply account nya... sabi nya dun,

"... what the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't grieve over."

Hindi ko lam pero natamaan ako nito... Panu ko kaya gagawin ito kung palagi naman kaming magkasama at nagkikita (hello! iisa lang ang school na pinapasukan namin, tsaka isa lang ang circle of friends namin...). So what I'm trying to say, walang kawala. Ano? Iiwas ako? Baka mamaya, magka-issue pa sa barkada namin! hahahahahahahaha!!! Can't get over! Help naman... I wish someone could get me out of this. (meron ba..?)

*sigh*

First post... Haiz...!

This would be my first post ever! Nakakbagot kasi. Walang magandang magawa dito sa bahay. Mamaya, mag-jujump rope siguro ako nang pumayat naman ako. Mag-isa lang ako ngayon dito sa baba. Yung mga kasama ko, nasa taas, natutulog. Anu kayang magandang gawin? Hala... naiisip ko nanaman siya. Gusto ko na talga siyang kalimutan. Ako lang naman kasi ang nahihirapan eh. Haiz...! Anu kaya kung magpatihulog ako sa hagdan ng magka-amnesia ako. Hehehehehe!!! Baliw din ako eh noh! Grabe! Cge na nga, mag-jujump rope muna ako... papayat muna ako! Hahahaha!!!